That one time Bucky found out how Steve “died”.

{ Okay so, remember how I said I was trying to work on some more ~serious~ stuff? Well, this is what I was talking about. 

It’s inspired by this post from imaginebucky, which basically outlines a Role Reversal AU in which Steve is the one who fell from the train, and Bucky is the one who ultimately crashes the plane in the Arctic. It’s hesitantly titled Polaris (see if you can spot why!), and I’m planning to post it in parts (sorta like chapters, I guess).

Obviously some bits are going to be based on scenes from the movie(s), because I can’t help but think that, despite the switched circumstances, many of the overall events would play out similarly (that seems like a reasonable assumption, right?). But as you’ll see, there are also many noticeable differences.

Also please bear with me, I’m incredibly rusty when it comes to genuine fic writing, but I’m gonna try my best. Feedback and stuff is definitely appreciated - also you can let me know if you spot any major errors, since I am basically my own beta reader. Let’s face it: I can use all the help I can get, lol.



{ P O L A R I S — I }

Bucky Barnes wants to get drunk. He’s been chugging back pint after pint for over an hour, and yet he barely feels the beginnings of a buzz tingling below his skin. He doesn’t care about the kind of bill he’s racking up for himself - he will get drunk tonight, and that is final. Because the only other option - going to bed sober, lying alone in the dark with naught but his own thoughts - is too frightening to imagine. 

Bucky wants to get drunk. He wants to forget.

He’s past the point of panic, past the point of denial. He’s past the point of crying - he did that earlier, in the private loneliness of his own quarters; his grief pouring out through his eyes, clogging his airways until he couldn’t breathe. His arms wrapping around his chest, squeezing, crushing; one hand fisted against his mouth, trying to mute his heavy sobs. Wishing he could disappear, could simply cease to be, because the pain is too much, and he can’t take it, he’s not strong enough, he can’t take it—

But even that was better than this, Bucky thinks. Now he’s in the worst stage of grief - the stage where you don’t feel like a person anymore. No despair - just emptiness. Everything is numb. Laughter is muffled; happiness nonexistent. The world around him is meaningless.

Steve Rogers is dead. 

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Captain America Deleted Scene: Bucky at War

#hey ho lemme whisper at you a thing    #bucky did not want to go to war    #steve did    #bucky realized that steve needed him at home more than the world needed him at war    #but the world never sees things that way    #so he was drafted    #but because steve tried so hard time and again to enlist    #he couldn’t tell that scrappy little punk he hadn’t joined up voluntarily because it would crush him    #so he lied    #and it’s one of those lies he tells steve    #because he has to lie to protect him    #and he goes overseas because running away isn’t an option because steve would never run with him and would never forgive him for running    #even if he’d do it so that steve always had someone to look out for him    #and from the minute he steps foot on the battlegrounds    #he’s afraid    #because steve wanted this and all he can think is how he’s not sure he can survive it    #so how could that little pipsqueak who weighed 90lbs soaking wet survive over here    #and the deeper he gets    #the more he sees    #the more he’s afraid he won’t make it home    #and he never found someone to look after steve    #and who’s going to take care of him now?    #the cocky kid from brooklyn can kick a bully’s ass for picking on the little guy no problem    #but how do you kick the ass of an unstoppable force?    #the closer and closer he gets to the thick of things    #the more he worries    #because steve is going to be alone in the world  #and he made a promise #he promised him ‘til the end of the line’ but their lines were supposed to end together #not like this #and when he’s captured with the 107th bucky’s first thought and last lucid thoughts are for steve #and he finds himself praying to a god he stopped believing in a long time ago and lost even more faith in when he got to the war #praying that if he’d done any good in his life that it be enough to ask one favour #that god send someone to look after steve when he’s gone #becuse he’s not going home and the punk needs someone to watch over him



i was watching the first avenger and wondering how Bucky knew Steve was getting his ass kicked in the back of some random alley behind a movie theatre

like does he just check alleyways whenever he’s walking down a street to see if Steve’s started another fight he can’t finish

the answer is probably yes

headcanon that, even when brainwashed, Bucky still stops at alleyways and looks down them to find nothing

and he never knows what he’s looking for


He’s not sure when he first notices it. Maybe it’s the slight uncomfortable feeling he gets when he looks in the mirror; like there’s something missing. Maybe it’s watching Natasha do her makeup one morning, painstakingly drawing dark lines onto her eyelids and painting her lashes with mascara. Maybe it’s watching TV with her and seeing a man – tall and muscular, with dark smudges around his eyes. 

“Wait,” he says, turning to Natasha. “Guys can do that too?”

“Do what?” she asks absently, stirring her coke with the straw. 

“Wear makeup.”

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my headcanon here is that legolas is just BARELY visibly holding it together

since canon tells us that mirkwood elves like to party and are fully capable of passing out from drunk

so legolas is using EVERYTHING HE HAS to fuck with gimli and pretend he hasn’t a clue what it’s like to be affected by alcohol

while inside he’s all ‘sdkla;hgsj you can do this leggles you can do this’

‘don’t think about that time you blacked out from dorwinion wine while naked in the middle of an impromptu archery contest’

‘and all your friends drew orc penises on your face’

‘and when you woke up you were halfway to dale without a clue as to how you got there’

‘And especially don’t think about that time you drank so much that the dwarves you were supposed to be watching escaped in the empty barrels of wine.’

‘Dad never let me hear the end of that one’





S.H.I.E.L.D.’s public relations department decides to take nice photos of the Avengers so that they can send them to the media whenever the team goes public. They somehow manage to convince Thor to put on normal clothes and get through the photoshoots pretty quickly.

Except Tony wouldn’t stop preening and duck facing. They eventually gave up and used the “best” one. To this day, Tony still gets the stink eye from the head of PR.

I also accept this headcanon


Agent Carter.

tagged » YEEEEAHH · Peggy Carter · badass ladies ·

I still believe in heroes 

tagged » avengers ·